Many of us silently speak to ourselves when we make a mistake using harsh words.
“I’m such an idiot” or “That was so stupid.”
That negative inner dialogue is a part of our programming. It comes from the belief that we were bad or naughty when we made a mistake as a kid.
That is what kids conclude when you stick them in a corner or hit them. One hurts emotionally and one hurts physically.
Why on earth would a child trust the person who hurts them?
Of course, some teens that are raised with this method retaliate by shutting us out, lying or worse.
Others just take part in LOTS of risky behavior. I’ve even seen a wave of parents who permit or even JOIN them - yup, partying together, as a way to finally bond. Pretty effed up.
One of my amazing Mastermind Mamas shared an article with me knowing that I’d love it.
The article talked about the effects of early childhood punishment on the all too common distant or combative parent teenage relationship.
Punishment is really parent bullying in my opinion. Consequences when used CORRECTLY are the much better replacement to help a child learn an important lesson.
Unfortunately most parents are still attempting to control their kids with old school punishment while slapping the term consequences on it.
Just bc you name a cat “Dog” and every time you call it, you say here “doggy doggy” won’t make that cat a dog.
It will always be a cat regardless of it’s name. A “consequence” that involves fear or physical pain is a punishment.
Punishment may shut something down in the moment but doesn’t teach a child to improve future behavior.
It teaches them to lie to you, not to trust you and to speak unkindly to themselves silently.
Getting curious about what’s at the root of the “big feelings” when the little people act out rather than hitting or banishing them, is the only HUMANE way to begin to help a child.
We have to get underneath the behavior to help our kids improve it without negatively impacting them long term on the inside.
Bottom line: Our world has changed. There’s a better way to raise kids that supports them in becoming healthy, happy and successful. AND it doesn’t cause them to hate you or themselves.
I want it for all the little people shoved in corners out there.