The Time Out Alternative for Strong Willed Kids (and their siblings:)

Episode 6 - Why Time Out is Bogus

 

In this episode, I discuss time-out; the punishment that many of us have used to replace spanking. We are often misguided to believe that it’s this progressive humane improvement when it’s potentially just as damaging emotionally as spanking is physically. 

 

I know many parents are simply looking for resources to teach their kids the difference between right and wrong. The punishment model has rarely been questioned in years past and yet, all the researchers and experts tell us that it’s ineffective. It accomplishes the opposite of what we want - stronger connections with our kids and effective measures for teaching appropriate behavior. Punishments like time out and spanking are divisive, polarizing and teach our kids not to trust us. 

 

One of my favorite new quotes that I coined recently is, “We don’t own our kids. Owning people is called slavery...not childhood.” Slavery is illegal. Our kids are little people. 

 

Our job is to teach, guide and keep our little people safe. Punishment does not teach anything other than teaching our kids to lie to us and become sneaky when doing things that will result in a punishment. When we punish our kids rather than having productive communication, we teach them not to trust us. 

 

The research and child development experts report that kids under the age of 12 do not change their future behavior based on punishment. They are actually incapable of doing so. 

 

The REAL way we teach kids appropriate behavior is by establishing rules, repeating them often and following through consistently. When the rules are broken, we teach them how to become calm and calmly discuss the situation. When everyone is calm, we empathize and find out what’s underneath the misbehavior. Then we state the rules, set a boundary and possibly enforce a logical and related consequence. We follow through consistently. 

 

This is the recipe that leads to changing the convos in your home even when your kids are behaving like total turkeys. Your welcome.

 

Topics covered: 

 

You can grab a copy of The Parent Gap book for free. It’s my signature recipe to begin changing the convos in your home so that you start to feel like a team rather than like you’re living in a war zone.

It’s my gift to you for joining the Mastermind Parenting conversation. Go to mastermindparenting.com/ book to get your free copy mailed directly to your doorstep.

The 3 Best Things a Mama Can Do for Your Kids to Have a Successful School Year

The new school year is upon us and I know many of us struggle with the morning chaos.

We love our people BIG and as moms, we want everything for them.

We want them to do well in school academically and to feel successful.

We want them to be happy socially and to feel included and confident.

We want to do everything we can to support them in achieving these goals.

We believe that when they feel successful and confident, they will be happy humans.

Unfortunately, sometimes we focus our energy on areas we have no control over and can accidentally become part of the problem rather than contributing to the solution.

Here are my tips for how you can truly support your kids to have a successful and happy school year:

1. Sleep - kids in preschool and elementary need to be asleep by 8:30 PM and to wake up no earlier than 10 hours later. In this day and age with tech and all the artificial stimulation available, kids require sleep training and structure from the get go.

2. Breakfast - It doesn't need to be a big ordeal on weekdays. A simple smoothie packs a punch. Sometimes I do a whole wheat waffle with peanut butter with a few blueberries or banana on top.

I am by no means a health coach or food expert. My kids love sugar and crap.

I like for them to get the best start possible before school. I want their brains in primo learning mode.

3. Leadership - Showing up as their fearless positive leader and the family team captain, I set the tone for the day.

As their mom, I can do 3 simple things to support their brains and bodies for the best day possible:

1. Bedtime - a well rested brain learns at optimal capacity

2. Breakfast - a well fed brain learns at optimal capacity

3. Leadership language for a stress-free morning - a brain that has feel good hormones rather than stress hormones flowing (yelling, nagging, lecturing cause rising cortisol) learns at optimal capacity

Influencing their day in the ways where you actually have the power and ability will empower your kiddos to handle the curve balls that life will inevitably throw their way (like a mean teacher or being left out on the playground).

 

Where your focus goes, energy flows and from here your results GROW.

 

Focus on the 3 things you can do to send your kids out into the world ready to be their best selves!

1. Sleep

2. Food

3. Positive Leadership - words of encouragement and support rather than nagging, yelling or a chaotic morning will be the emotional armor that protects them

 

    What is one small baby step YOU can do TODAY to bring calm to the chaotic weekday mornings in YOUR household?

     

    You’ve got this.

    Do you want to ensure the best school year ever?

    Do you want to surround yourself with more supportive resources to truly take action and improve your life and family ASAP?

    Join me and a likeminded parent community in the course, Close the Parent Gap (CPG) Basics. The fun begins soon. You want to improve your family and your life yesterday. Don't miss the window to be a part of this. The results are going to be BIG. Sign up here.

     

    Below are some pics of a super quick breakfast this morning in the Rubenstein household:

    • Red Velvet smoothies...I eyeball the amounts of these ingredients so don't ask for exact recipe. It takes maybe 2 minutes to make and I don't nag them if they only take 2 sips.
     Red Velvet Smoothies

    Red Velvet Smoothies

     Red Velvet Smoothie Ingredients

    Red Velvet Smoothie Ingredients

    To learn more about my 6 week parenting course that will ensure the success you deeply desire for your people, read about it here and reach out to me if you would like to hop on a call to discuss if it's right for you. randi@randirubenstein.com.