This week I feel compelled to write about something very personal to me.
It comes down to the single biggest worry or concern I have had as a mom.
The Big Kahuna, lying just beneath the surface , ever since my oldest son was born, 18 years ago next Tuesday.
It has been the real question in my mind all along…
AND I thought it was just me.
I had never heard anyone else talk about this worry and I certainly never shared it with anyone.
I have heard moms, including myself, speak openly about fears regarding their child’s health and safety… but not this.
As parents, some of the worries on our minds today include:
“Is there red dye in that licorice? It could cause cancer I hear.”
“Before I can allow Johnny to have a playdate at your house, I have to ask…do you have a gun in your house?”
“Do you allow the kids to play on the computer unsupervised?”
“How do I monitor my teenager’s virtual activity to make sure no bullying or predators are victimizing my kid?”
But still the main impetus that set me on my path as a parent; the thought lurking close by; the one I had never heard discussed. Well, it never seemed to be a part of the conversation.
I even taught conscious parenting classes myself for several years and this thought was never included in the course content I was teaching.
I loved teaching parenting classes and connecting with other moms and dads and I knew the information I was sharing was powerful.
I felt passionate about the parenting tools that had transformed my life and opened me up to a different way to raise my kids from the way I experienced as a kid.
So, after many years of practicing on my 3 little pigs, (GUINEA PIGS, PEOPLE! Have a sense of humor. Please.)
I was able to honestly put my biggest worry to bed.
And it felt really really good. It felt like freedom in my body.
I wasn’t aware of this on a conscious level but I felt better than ever and I knew my life was different because of the family Scott and I had built.
I hadn’t thought about my biggest worry lingering below sea level in quite some time.
I sent out my first survey after my coach training program to pick a few brains and gather data as I set off developing my parent coaching business in a bigger way.
That is what I like to do as a fact finder.
I sent it out to about 20 hand selected people who seemed like good representatives of people I would want to work with.
Out of those people, I compiled the answers and under the question, “What do you worry most about as a mom?” There was one person whose answer gave me a major lightbulb/chill bump jolt.
She answered the question so honestly and I didn’t even know her all that well.
The question: What is your biggest worry as a mom…when you are lying in the dark all alone with your thoughts?
Her response: “I really just don’t want to f&@k up my kids. I think about it a lot and it is my biggest worry. This is too big. Too important.”
The AHA that I had when I read that was, “Holy shit. She answered this EXACTLY as I would have a few years ago if anyone had asked me this question.”
As soon as I read her answer, I knew this had always been the fear and worry at the heart of my Mama soul.
The thing I had never heard discussed.
Years before when I started this crazy motherhood ride, that was the driving force behind my quest for knowledge to do it differently than it had been done for me.
Like all of you, I loved these little people so much. I wanted more for them. Also, a common thread for many of us.
I wanted them to grow up and feel better than I dd. I tried hard to mask how I really felt deep inside with a tough exterior.
I acted like I didn't care what people thought and protected myself with a hardened shell.
But this act was a lot of work and frankly, still left me feeling crummy inside a lot of the time.
Years later, my exterior was beginning to slowly match my interior.
My outsides were softening. I was becoming more approachable and less intimidating to other women. This has always been an issue for me.
Inside, I have never felt that tough. The tears were always close to the surface. Inside I had searched for many years for ways to feel better.
And inside, I knew that my dreams for my kids included them feeling better about themselves than I did as a kid and as a young adult.
It has now been about 2 years since I met with that kind and generous woman that answered my survey so honestly.
Since then, her answer has helped me to hone in and connect with the clients I am meant to support.
It seems that her answer is the common denominator for me and many of the people that fall into my 1/3 tribe.
We worry that we might screw up our kids.
We want them to have it better than we did when we were growing up and to approach adulthood from a happier place.
We are ready to create new patterns. Healthier ones. Ones that feel better.
This is why I am titling the book I am currently writing…