My Biggest Worry As A Mom

This week I feel compelled to write about something very personal to me.

 

It comes down to the single biggest worry or concern I have had as a mom. 

 

The Big Kahuna, lying just beneath the surface , ever since my oldest son was born, 18 years ago next Tuesday.

 

It has been the real question in my mind all along…

 

AND I thought it was just me. 

 

I had never heard anyone else talk about this worry and I certainly never shared it with anyone.

 

I have heard moms, including myself, speak openly about fears regarding their child’s health and safety… but not this.

 

As parents, some of the worries on our minds today include:

 

“Is there red dye in that licorice?  It could cause cancer I hear.”

 

“Before I can allow Johnny to have a playdate at your house, I have to ask…do you have a gun in your house?” 

 

“Do you allow the kids to play on the computer unsupervised?”

 

“How do I monitor my teenager’s virtual activity to make sure no bullying or predators are victimizing my kid?”

 

But still the main impetus that set me on my path as a parent; the thought lurking close by; the one I had never heard discussed.  Well, it never seemed to be a part of the conversation.

 

I even taught conscious parenting classes myself for several years and this thought was never included in the course content I was teaching.

 

I loved teaching parenting classes and connecting with other moms and dads and I knew the information I was sharing was powerful. 

 

I felt passionate about the parenting tools that had transformed my life and opened me up to a different way to raise my kids from the way I experienced as a kid. 

 

So, after many years of practicing on my 3 little pigs, (GUINEA PIGS, PEOPLE!  Have a sense of humor. Please.) 

 

I was able to honestly put my biggest worry to bed.

 

And it felt really really good.  It felt like freedom in my body.

 

I wasn’t aware of this on a conscious level but I felt better than ever and I knew my life was different because of the family Scott and I had built. 

 

I hadn’t thought about my biggest worry lingering below sea level in quite some time.

 

Until…

 

I sent out my first survey after my coach training program to pick a few brains and gather data as I set off developing my parent coaching business in a bigger way.

 

That is what I like to do as a fact finder.

 

I sent it out to about 20 hand selected people who seemed like good representatives of people I would want to work with.

 

Out of those people, I compiled the answers and under the question, “What do you worry most about as a mom?”  There was one person whose answer gave me a major lightbulb/chill bump jolt.

 

She answered the question so honestly and I didn’t even know her all that well.

 

The question:  What is your biggest worry as a mom…when you are lying in the dark all alone with your thoughts?

 

Her response: “I really just don’t want to f&@k up my kids.  I think about it a lot and it is my biggest worry.  This is too big.  Too important.”

 

The AHA that I had when I read that was, “Holy shit.  She answered this EXACTLY as I would have a few years ago if anyone had asked me this question.”

 

As soon as I read her answer, I knew this had always been the fear and worry at the heart of my Mama soul.

 

The thing I had never heard discussed.

 

Years before when I started this crazy motherhood ride, that was the driving force behind my quest for knowledge to do it differently than it had been done for me.

 

Like all of you, I loved these little people so much.   I wanted more for them.   Also, a common thread for many of us.

 

I wanted them to grow up and feel better than I dd.  I tried hard to mask how I really felt deep inside with a tough exterior.  

 

I acted like I didn't care what people thought and protected myself with a hardened shell.  

 

But this act was a lot of work and frankly, still left me feeling crummy inside a lot of the time.

 

Years later, my exterior was beginning to slowly match my interior.  

 

My outsides were softening.  I was becoming more approachable and less intimidating to other women. This has always been an issue for me.

 

Inside, I have never felt that tough. The tears were always close to the surface.  Inside I had searched for many years for ways to feel better.

 

And inside, I knew that my dreams for my kids included them feeling better about themselves than I did as a kid and as a young adult.

 

It has now been about 2 years since I met with that kind and generous woman that answered my survey so honestly.

 

Since then, her answer has helped me to hone in and connect with the clients I am meant to support. 

 

It seems that her answer is the common denominator for me and many of the people that fall into my 1/3 tribe. 

 

We worry that we might screw up our kids. 

 

We want them to have it better than we did when we were growing up and to approach adulthood from a happier place.

 

We are ready to create new patterns.  Healthier ones.  Ones that feel better.

 

This is why I am titling the book I am currently writing… 

 

What do you think?  

I hope you will let me know and join in this conversation.  

I am working so hard to create a platform for a real and honest discussion about this topic.  

I am offering tools and stories and scenarios that have helped me to put this worry to rest.  

I can't wait to share it with you and to be able to dig into this meaty convo and support each other.  

It's gonna be super fun.  Promise.