Do you dream of a day when your kids will put on their shoes without 10 reminders?
Or maybe your Mommy Dearest moments result during bedtime battles, homework struggles or simply because you're sick of picking up all their toys and crap cluttering your home?
Bottom Line: Are you angry with your kids for not listening, cooperating and appreciating ALL that you do for them?
Here's why and what you can do to improve these frustrating moments
Anger is always a secondary emotion. It is rooted in fear. Maybe it’s fear of not having the fantasy family you have always wanted. Maybe it’s wanting a different relationship with your kids than you had with your parents?
When our kids are not cooperative, it makes our life harder.
It serves as evidence that we are not accomplishing the dream of having a calm, fun loving and connected family.
No one wants to live in a tension filled home where everyone feels like you are walking on eggshells.
To create a family that is on the same team, begin by disrupting the current negative pattern involving yelling, fighting and being on opposing teams.
Step 1: Getting to the root of why you are angry. What is the feeling underneath the anger? Are you tired, frustrated, feeling disrespected?
- Action: Ask yourself what you are making your kids’ behavior mean? Look at the facts. Understand where they are developmentally. Consider your child’s perspective and know that they definitely have one that is different from yours.
Step 2: Give yourself self compassion and empathy. The fear underneath the anger probably has to do with your worry that you aren’t accomplishing your biggest goal; raising kids that are kind, confident, respectful and successful. When they don’t listen, it feels like a slap in the face and you are worried they will go out into the world and disrespect other people.
- Action: This looks like saying something to yourself like, “Parenting is hard. I’ve got a lot on my plate. This is a work in progress and I’m frustrated that I have to repeat myself day after day and they still aren’t listening. I want to be respected and appreciated. I am so committed to this family and will do anything I possibly can to create the family I’ve always wanted.
Step 3: Learn new parenting tools to change what is not working and ultimately improve the conversation in your household.
- Action: Replace old patterns with better ones. Learn systems and leadership language to have a productive conversation with your kiddos. It takes a minute to learn these new tactics and retrain your brain. Most likely, it’s not the way you were raised.