We continue to make requests like:
- Get your shoes on
- Clean up
- Put backpacks away
- Stop hitting your brother
- Speak kindly
- Get out of the pantry
Why do perfectly reasonable requests continue to fall on deaf ears?
Inevitably, since our polite requests get ignored, we resort to what works.
The exact opposite of the parent we imagined before the people who refuse to put on their shoes came into existence.
Ya. That calm image was pretty different than your current reality.
However, things are not that bad you tell yourself.
Life is actually fine.
It's not nearly as bad as "the neighbors" who are getting a divorce or the parents with the kid THAT BITES.
There are a million ways to justify why continuing to live a life of "fine" is...well, just fine.
So what if you have to yell to get your kids to do stuff.
Yelling to be heard is more the rule than the exception for most parents.
I know. You don't want to read or God forbid, hear that out loud.
It's ok - we can be in a fight for 10 minutes.
I respect you enough to speak the truth.
Even though using yelling and threats is never intentional, it does seem to get the job done.
Most kids will finally listen and put on their freakin' shoes when the request is loud and scary.
And then there are those kids where even those "last resort" tactics don't work.
In fact, these kids respond to yelling and threats with over the top or explosive reactions.
We may begin to raise the intensity to heights we never could have imagined.
We have one of those rock bottom moments and realize something's gotta give.
The thing is, it's not just our most challenging kids that are insisting on a new conversation.
All kids benefit from communication that doesn't involve aggression.
Wouldn't you ultimately like for shoes to be put on, rooms to get cleaned and crap to be put away without having to yell to accomplish those things?
Or even better, wouldn't it be nice for your kids to be self motivated and take care of simple tasks without constant reminders?
Wouldn't it feel so incredibly SANE to get better results without ever using aggression?
Different results only happen when you use a different approach.
I know. It's a pain to learn new stuff.
It takes time, energy and practice.
The real question is: How badly do you want a peaceful household?
How important is it to you to raise self motivated kids and create a family team that works together?
Winning teams happen in homes filled with a cooperative and positive vibe.
The tension and threats sabotage this result.
You are ready to stop the insanity.
There is a new parenting conversation that will support you in getting the results you crave for your amazing team.
I am going to start talking a lot about this new conversation and sharing lots of practical tools.
(Here is a teaching clip where I model what the new conversation looks like in real life.)
P.S. Here's what Nikki's saying about the new convos in her home: ...Would you like me to wake you a little early so you have time to review? ((Yes please.)) Okay, Goodnight. She went to bed calm. She woke the next morn and briefly reviewed in bed. We quizzed over the info. on way to school and finished in parking lot. She knew it all... She laughed gave me a hug and kiss and off she went into the building. Then she turned and ran back to give me a 2nd kiss! :) Parent win! Kid win! Yay me!
Click here to watch a short video from an actual class where I discuss how to talk to your kids about a new plan for smoother mornings.
ABOUT RANDI RUBENSTEIN
Randi helps parents, particularly ones with a strong willed kiddo, learn tools to raise confident, kind, and self motivated kids by improving the conversations in your family.
As the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast and author ofThe Parent Gap, Randi helps parents keep cool and replace old patterns. Randi’s parenting motto is, “When our thoughts grow, the convos in our home flow".
To learn more go to www.randirubenstein.com.